Tickling Rand Paul’s Balls

Rand Paul is expected to announce his intention to seek the Republican nomination for the presidency today… which isn’t really news so much as it is titillation. The promise of Paul the Younger, whose perceived intelligence diminishes exponentially the longer he is allowed to speak, engaging in a political debate gets me positively giddy.

Him and Ted Cruz battling each other to become King of Mount Stupid? Pass the fucking popcorn.

Not nearly as entertaining, however, is CNN’s coverage of this not-yet-certain momentous occasion. In this bit of literary refuse, Chris Moody (a “Senior Digital Correspondent”, whatever the fuck that means) journalist-splains to us the differences between Texan idiot Ron Paul and his mentally-challenged offspring, Kentuckian idiot Rand Paul:

Youth outreach: Both men regularly speak on college campuses. Ron Paul held many standing-room rallies with students, and Rand Paul has similar appeal. Rand Paul has also made it a point to take his message to minority communities, including several visits to historically black colleges.

Moody is referring to, of course, Rand Paul’s attempt to seduce Howard University students to the dark side, and doing so more kindly than Rand Paul rightly deserves. Here is but a taste of that now infamous speech:

“How did the party that elected the first black U.S. senator, the party that elected the first 20 African American congressmen become a party that now loses 95 percent of the black vote?” Paul asked the Howard students. “How did the Republican Party, the party of the Great Emancipator, lose the trust and faith of an entire race? From the Civil War to the Civil Rights Movement, for a century, most black Americans voted Republican. How did we lose that vote?”

Paul said the story of the “modern civil rights era” is the “history of the Republican Party,” launching into the history of the Republican Party and African-Americans, something specifically suggested in last month’s Republican National Committee “autopsy” report.

I guess this qualifies as outreach: storming onto a black campus and in front of hundreds of black college students pretending like the Southern Strategy never happened, that the Republican Party did not make a concentrated effort to appeal to Southern Democrats disaffected by civil rights legislation, and that Lee Atwater never said, “Nigger, Nigger, Nigger.”

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